Sacrifice
by RachelMosen
Summary: Sirius realises what he has to do for James to be happy. And, no matter the consequences, he is determined to do whatever it takes. Even if it means destroying his own happiness with the girl he loves. SBLE Oneshot.


"So Prongs," Sirius said cheerfully as the four Marauders settled on their beds, "what's with the emergency meeting?"

"Well…" James hesitated, looking uncomfortable. Remus and Sirius exchanged glances, concerned. James had never debated over telling them anything before. Sirius stole a glance at Peter and rolled his eyes. Peter was looking blissfully unaware and was, instead, surveying a box of chocolate frogs on the floor, probably trying to see the use-by date.

"Out with it," Sirius demanded and James sighed.

"Okay," the black haired boy said, "I'm in love…"

"With me?" Sirius exclaimed, smirking, "Oh James, how long I've waited for this moment." Within an instant he was hit in the face with James' pillow.

"No you clot pole," James snapped and Sirius frowned, that was a new insult that he'd never heard before.

"Clot pole?"

"Who's the lucky girl?" Remus interrupted quickly, before Sirius and James could begin an argument.

"Um, well…it's kind of Evans." Sirius and Remus once again exchanged glances.

"Evans? As in Lily Evans?" Remus asked and Sirius felt his heart sinking as he saw James nod.

"She's a prefect," Sirius said instantly, quickly attempting to change James' mind, "and a massive prude. What do you see in her?"

"She's so…beautiful," James exclaimed, "and different…"

"And in line to be Head Girl next year," Sirius pointed out, ignoring Remus' glares, "you surely don't want to get involved with that teacher's pet!"

"What's your problem?" James asked curiously. Sirius had never put up this kind of a resistance to the girls that James had liked before.

"I just…think that you can do better!" Sirius practically shouted.

"Sirius?" Remus spoke, "are you okay? You're very pale…"

"Yeah," Peter decided to join in, "you look like Moony before a full moon!" This earned him a joking glare from the boy in question but Peter shrugged it off with a wink.

"I'm fine," Sirius snapped, "I just…I feel ill." He got up off his bed quickly and stormed out of the room, leaving the others staring after him, completely dumbfounded at his odd behaviour.

He escaped from the Gryffindor tower and wandered, almost automatically, towards the room of requirement. He often went there to think.

"Sirius," a feminine voice cut into his thoughts and he groaned. Speak of the devil. He turned around and fixed Lily with a smirk.

"Evans," he said, his voice cruel and she winced at his tone.

"What? You only call me that when you're around your friends…" She said after a second, "have I done something?" When he didn't reply, she came closer and took both his hands in hers. It felt nice and familiar but wrong at the same time. She slowly lifted herself up onto tiptoes and kissed him lightly on his lips. Again, he was ashamed to admit to himself that the feeling was familiar.

"Lily," he pulled regretfully away from her. James' confessions from earlier were still fresh in his mind, "I can't do this…"

"What?" She asked, very confused, "what's changed?" He looked away from her and she smiled softly, assuming that he was just feeling a little stressed with school. Their sixth year was putting a lot of pressure on them. She began kissing him again and suddenly he shoved her hard against the wall, returning the kiss with a renewed purpose. She groaned as he pressed his body against hers. She had always looked forward to these encounters with Sirius. They had been going on at least three times a week for a year or so and they always cheered her up. "Shall we…" she didn't even finish her sentence before he was dragging her off in direction on the requirement room. She ran along beside his long strides but neither spoke. As soon as the requirement room appeared to them, Sirius practically shoved her in and the second the door was closed, his mouth had covered hers again. Still kissing, he moved her backwards until they both fell onto the conveniently placed bed. Sirius maneuvered her so that he was straddling her, with her legs wrapped around his midriff and his hands undoing her shirt. He moved his lips from her mouth and began to kiss her neck and slowly moved south.

Later, they both lay there, completely naked under the covers and breathing heavily. It was not often that they would go so far as to actually have sex but it happened on occasion. It was Sirius who spoke first, "this has to end."

Lily turned onto her side so she could look at him and saw that he was doing the same. There was no hint of joking in his normally cheerful eyes. "What? Why?" Lily was incredibly confused.

"Lily," Sirius said quietly, "I love you, so much, and I've had an amazing time with you but…"

"Sirius," Lily put her finger to his lips, "nothing has to change. No one knows. Your friends think you're sneaking off to see a different girl every time and mine think I'm in the library. Everything's fine."

"Let me finish," Sirius spoke again, "I wish it was but…I have to think about my friends."

"What do your friends have to do with us?" Lily demanded and Sirius looked away. He could not break James' trust and tell her the truth. Turning away from her, he sat up and began to pull on his clothes. When she didn't get an answer, she began to worry, "Sirius, what's wrong?"

Sirius looked back at her sadly and leaned over, giving her a long kiss that lingered on her lips even after he had pulled away, "you'll find out soon enough." And with that said, he had stood up and left. Lily stared after him as a tear escaped from her eye. She thought back to last year and was ashamed to admit that, despite earlier opinions of him, she would never give up on him.

"_Evans," a conversational voice interrupted her musings and she glanced up to see Sirius Black standing over her, "mind if I sit?" She shrugged and he took the seat next to her. The Gryffindor Common Room was empty as everyone had either gone home for Easter or was outside enjoying the beautiful weather. All of Sirius' friends had gone home as had Lily's, meaning they were the only fifth year Gryffindor's left in the castle. _

_The companionable silence grew and finally Lily could bare it no more and struck up a conversation. They discussed everything, from classes to friendly anecdotes to sexual exploits. Sirius was shocked to learn that Lily had never kissed anyone and she was equally surprised to discover that, despite the rumours that were spread about him, he was still a virgin and was not ashamed to admit it. _

_When it was quite late, Sirius stood up with a yawn and smiled at Lily, "sorry to bail, but quite tired…" _

"_It's fine," Lily gave him a smile back and he reached down and hugged her. She returned the hug willingly, finding it strange that she could get along so well with a marauder, let alone the best friend of the insufferable and arrogant James Potter. _

_Sirius hesitated for a moment, looking down at her, "hey, do you maybe want to…crash in my dorm? It's just…its quite lonely without the others and your companies surprisingly bearable," he joked and she blushed, but found herself agreeing to his request. He held out his hand and pulled her to her feet and led her towards the boys staircase. _

_Once inside his dorm, Lily had refused point-blank to sleep in any of the marauders beds and demanded that Sirius give up his. Sirius laughed and suggested that it was big enough to share. Lily went as red as her hair but nodded, giving in. Within minutes, both were lying in Sirius' bed, pressed up against each other due to the limited space. Sirius' arm looped around her waist and pulled her to him, making it more comfortable for them both. She found herself looking into his eyes and without knowing what she was doing, she kissed him and he instantly responded, hungrily. _

_The next morning, Sirius woke up first and smiled at the red-haired girl in his arms. Who knew he would get on so well with the prudish Lily Evans? Lily's eyes fluttered open and she returned his smile and he leaned in for a kiss._

"_Morning gorgeous," he whispered and she leaned into him, completely at ease._

It was funny, Lily thought, how too people can just get along so well. She never would have imagined that happening with Sirius until it happened but it seemed right. And it had seemed right ever since. She was at loss as to what had happened to make him change his mind. They had agreed to keep their relationship secret to escape from the gossip of the castle and it had worked so she did not understand why he had suddenly decided he could not see her anymore.

Sirius ran away from the requirement room as though his trousers were on fire. He crashed into his friends as they came down the stairs on the way to the Great Hall for dinner. James sent him an odd look, "feeling better?"

"Uh…yeah," Sirius stammered and Remus looked at him suspiciously.

"Where did you run off to?" He asked and Sirius shrugged.

"I forgot that I had a date with that Ravenclaw girl…Pam something?" James and Peter chuckled, accepting the story without a question but Remus frowned, contemplatively. Sirius quickly avoided his gaze and turned around, leading the way towards the Great Hall.

Halfway through dinner, Lily came in, accompanied by her normal gaggle of girls. She caught his eye but he quickly turned away.

"There she is, Prongs," Peter said cheerfully, "go on, do it!"

"Do what?" Sirius asked confused and James smirked at him.

"I'm going to ask Evans out. She won't be able to refuse someone as devilishly handsome as me!" Sirius scoffed, trying his best to act as though he did not care. "What?" James looked hurt, "you don't think she'll like me?"

"I have no idea what Evans likes," Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, "give it a go if you want." But when James walked towards her, he felt his heart slowly breaking. He knew, that if she was able to go for him, she was likely to like James as well. After all, he and James were very similar.

"Evans," he heard James say, as Lily was not seated too far away, "how are you this fine day?"

"I'm fine," Lily replied cautiously, sounding confused.

"I was wondering if you'd do me the pleasure of accompanying me to Hogsmeade next weekend?" James sounded incredibly confident but his voice wavered slightly when Lily gave no reply, "Evans?"

Sirius was forced to look up from his plate of food and he saw that Lily was looking straight at him. Something that James did not notice but Remus was glancing between them both, as though he were trying to figure something out. Sirius quickly tore his eyes away from her and refocused on his food, although he was keeping his ears alert.

"No," Lily eventually responded, "I find you insufferable enough when I have no choice but to see you. Why would I willingly subject myself to that pain?"

Sirius smirked slightly when he heard James' spluttering words, "But…but…what?" Lily had always been quite feisty and that was why Sirius had first fallen for her.

"You heard me," Lily said evenly, "now please go. My eyes hurt just looking at you." Sirius held in a chuckle. Lily's disdain for James was suddenly obvious and he wondered how he'd never realized it before.

"Is there someone else?" James' demanded angrily and Sirius' head shot up to look at the two, a movement which Remus did not miss.

Without missing a beat, Lily instantly replied, "If there were, it would not be your business."

"Who is it?" James inquired and Lily went slightly pink. Sirius' eyes flashed with worry but she seemed to be dealing alright with James' advances.

"It's no one," to anyone else, Lily's voice may have sounded derisive, but to Sirius, he detected the hint of sadness that was most likely aimed at him, "not anymore, anyway."

"Then why won't you come to Hogsmeade with me?" James pressed and Lily sighed, standing up but James grabbed her arm. Sirius resisted the urge to throttle his best friend and quickly schooled his angry expression into a blank one when he noticed Remus' eyes on him.

"Because," Lily said simply, "I hate you." With that, she tipped a bowl of mashed potatoes on his head and stormed out of the Great Hall, her friends following close behind.

"Well," James returned to the Marauders looking sheepish, "that could've gone better…"

"Are you giving up?" Sirius asked, trying to hide the hopeful note in his voice and James' eyes flashed.

"Absolutely not."

Later that night, Remus and Sirius were alone in the common room. Sirius had begged his werewolf friend to stay up with him to help him with an essay that was in for tomorrow that everyone else had done. Sirius could have done it himself without a problem, but he was rather lazy and preferred to have the help of others. As they were packing up their ink pots, Remus spoke, "so, what do you think about Prongs crushing on Evans?"

Sirius shrugged, aware that Remus was surveying him very carefully, "Nothing really, Prongs will probably get bored in a bit anyway, seeing as Li- umm…Evans didn't seem particularly interested in him." Sirius inwardly cursed himself. He knew that Remus had to have picked up on his slip-up with Lily's name.

Remus acted as though everything was normal, however, which made Sirius suspicious. It wasn't often that Remus didn't pick up on things going on and Sirius hadn't been very stealth today, "Yeah," Remus agreed, "she did seem quite agitated with him. I wonder if something happened to bother her. She's not normally so easy to provoke!"

"Mmm," Sirius replied, determined not to make another mistake.

"She said that there was someone else, didn't she?" Remus pressed and Sirius stiffened, "I wonder who…"

"Remus," Sirius interrupted, "what are getting at?"

"What's going on between you on Evans?" Remus asked instantly and Sirius frowned.

"Nothing," he said truthfully, after all, he had broken it off.

"Really?" Remus didn't sound convinced, "you seemed incredibly eager to put James off the idea of liking her."

"I just think James can do better," Sirius murmured in response and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Whatever," with that said, Remus stood up and walked over to the boys staircase, disappearing up the stairs. Sirius sank into a chair. Remus _knew. _He'd been so careful! How on earth had Remus figured it out.

"Sorry you had to lie," a quiet voice said behind him and he swirled around to see Lily standing there, "but I guess we had agreed not to involve anyone."

"Involve anyone in what?" Sirius snapped and she flushed, confused at his tone.

"In _us!" _She retorted, "what else?"

"Get it in your head," Sirius stood up and strode over to her, towering over her threateningly, "there is no us!"

"Why?" Lily's voice was suddenly barely audible and Sirius sighed.

"I'm sorry," with that said, he kissed her on the forehead, "but I can't do this to James. I just… I can't."

"But I don't like James!" Lily replied desperately.

"But he likes you," Sirius explained, "and one day, you may like him back. I just… I can't." With that said, Sirius fled out of the portrait hole.

"But I love you," Lily whispered to an empty common room and the tears began to run down her face. She turned and ran up to girls staircase and Remus appeared from the stairs leading up to the boys dormitories. He had a frown on his face. He stared sadly at nothing, thinking deeply, but he knew that nothing could be done. Sirius had never mentioned his feelings for Lily to the marauders so as far as James knew, she was fair game. And he had declared his feelings for her first, so Sirius had no right to go after her. And this made Remus sad, but there was no solution. And one day, as Sirius had said, James might stand a chance with Lily and Remus knew that Sirius, as James' best friend, didn't want to get in the way.

And Remus respected him for that. Sirius certainly was an amazing friend to James as he was willing to give up his own happiness so that James could be happy. Remus only wished that there was any other way that the situation could be fixed but he knew that could never happen. Sirius would never admit his feelings for Lily towards James and Lily was unlikely to say a word, so, as far as James' was concerned, he was doing nothing wrong. Remus mused silently to himself for a moment longer about the situation at hand before the portrait hole opened and Sirius entered, looking disheveled. Seeing Remus standing at the bottom of the staircase, the boy deflated and avoided his friend's gaze.

"I'm sorry for spying," Remus apologized softly and Sirius shrugged.

"Doesn't matter, as long as James doesn't know about any of this!"

"I won't tell him," Remus promised, "but…maybe you should…"

Sirius looked up and met Remus' eyes with his own, a sad smile on his lips, "I wish it were that simple, but if I have to choose between James and…her, the choice will always be James."

"James would want to know…"

"That may be the case," Sirius agreed, "but…it's obvious looking at him that he really likes her. And who am I to stand in the way of that?" Sirius chuckled, but there was no humor in his chuckle. It was dark and empty.

"Sirius…"

"Just drop it Moony," with that, Sirius pushed past him and entered the sixth year dorm. Remus sighed, staring after him.

One thing was for certain.

Sirius was one hell of a friend.


End file.
